i am alone, im not lonely

this life is one shot only. there are no second chances. we have to live our lives according to a set of rules. some people who have no rules or guidelines have no fulfillment to their lives. they remain as vessels passing through each days as if it is a mystical gift of happenstance. taken for granted, the value of life.

we are far too willing to compromise. we let ourselves subjugate ourselves to anothers whims. every time we give up some of ourselves a part of us dies. no, i dont think one can live their life without compromise, but i do not think we should live our lives in a way that every way surrenders our ideals or ideas to the will of another person. we should embrace our personalities and individuality in such a way as we are unique and yet partial reflections of each other.

is there some sort of cosmic reason that people are so willing to bend the knee to a god/ideal/dream/person? is there some random fact of life that causes the majority of people to desire to be spoon fed in order to perpetuate the cycle of laziness? how pathetic is it when people are too lethargic to think for themselves? why have an opinion of your own when the world and popular culture are so willing to give them to you?

i want to pick the scab of life. to peel it away from the newly formed tissue underneath, causing the flesh to regrow yet again into a new and different pattern. the blood and skin eventually seal themselves off into a scar that becomes unique unto itself. a mark. a brand. a seal of my individuality that is the harbinger of a fate that belongs only to me because it is what i have chosen. this statement of my personality and decisions is just the way it is. it is who i am. i will give until im empty and never expect anything in return, but only if that is what i chose to do. i will not be guilted into forever. i will not be beaten into submission.

i have been broken by love on more occasions that i am willing to admit out loud. i have done entirely too many things that i had no desire to do but did anyways because someone expected it of me. i have surrendered myself to failure because i thought i could do no better.

i was wrong.

now, i live life for me. i am making my own choices and bringing about my own death if that is what the end is. when i go, the end will be whatever i chose it to be. i know that when i go i will have lived and loved the way that i want to. that is perfect happiness.