everyone is a good apple or a bad apple, right?

as we weave our little webs of love and life, we twist and turn our ways in and out of the pale reflections that we see in every passing window/mirror/puddle. it hurts my heart to think about everything that has been lost without ever being found first. all those loves in our lives that go unrequited. all those thoughts that get formed for the briefest of instances only to become as unattainable as trying to catch smoke with your hands. the whispers of our past act as guides for our actions. memory of emotion determines our actions, whether by fear of consequences or lack of motivation.

everyone who feels, seeks happiness. its a goal and a chore.

my eyes burn with sleepiness and dehydration. my body is charged with electrical emotion. in all the dryness of my lips and eyes, i can see much more clearly. i can feel my heart race. i can understand my quickening thoughts. i can feel my skin as it grows over my wounds. every cell in my body activating to move toward a common goal, my perpetuation.

the cancer that eats at me also liberates me. it will eventually free me from this life and pain. i know that there is nothing really worth living for except to find those gems of happiness in this world of shit. its the little things that are always the best. the simple pleasures are what makes all this bullshit worth putting up with. finding joy in every breath, focusing all my will toward that end. seeking, forcibly, all the pleasures that i ignored when i was too young to appreciate it.

everything is far too precious to take for granted as far as life goes. i want to savor every last second and to live as much as life lets me. im will use this life for everything it has to offer and when im dead my corpse will be a map of the paths i have take and the mistakes i have made. i am here, but not for long.