dont say you want me

Johnny Quid: You see that pack of Virginia killing sticks on the end of the piano?

All you need to know about life is retained in those four walls. You will notice that one of your personalities is seduced by the illusions of grandeur – the gold packet of king size with a regal insignia, an attractive implication towards grandeur and wealth, the subtle suggestion that cigarettes are indeed your royal and loyal friends, and that, Pete, is a lie.

Your other personality is trying to draw your attention to the flip side of the discussion, written in boring bold black and white, it’s a statement that these neat little soldiers of death and in fact trying to kill you and that, Pete, is the truth.

Oh, beauty is a beguiling call to death and i’m addicted to the sweet pitch of its siren.

That which starts sweet ends bitter, and that which starts bitter ends sweet.

That is why you and I love the drugs and that is also why I cannot give that painting back. now please, pass me a light.

“RocknRolla” (2008) by Guy Ritchie

isnt that the truth, "that which starts sweet, ends bitter"? such is the

way of life. funny how that paradigm seems to ring true more often

than i would like. life passes by uncontrolled and unobserved save

for weakening bones and wrinkled faces of ourselves and dying friends.

there is just no way around the depressing conclusion that is our lives.

and addiction, for some, its drugs, for others its material goods like

shoes or purses. for me, its love. that is my drug of choice. i

constantly have this feeling, these feelings about what i need to do

and how i need to do them. i fall hard and fast, but when i realize

how much it weakens me i shut down and turn off my emotions to those

whom i love and whom im with. it is a problem that is recurrent in

all of my relationships and choices. it is not the thrill of the

chase, it is the addiction to feeling those feelings. to tasting the

sweet beginnings of what always becomes a bitter end. so now that i

have self diagnosed, i just have to take steps to fix everything that

leads me to that outcome and perhaps i can make something that would

otherwise be bitter, sweet.

life is odd

Strange and inconvenient are two words that i attribute to life and living.  everyday seems like a different catastrophe.  is that what life has become; a track of never ending hurdles that vary in height?  could i be any more pessimistic? 

i had a post all lined up for today about love, it is going to require a good bit more time and effort and intellect than i am willing or able to put forth at this moment.  it will be a very taxing tough post.  i cant believe i am making a post about a post.  how pathetic.

so, about those hurdles, the battery on my car died and in the process to get another one, i paid too much money for the first one, so i took it back.  $101 for a fucking car battery.  went to walmart and got one for $65.  the only problem is that the battery that i bought at walmart was a return and was dead when i got it home and put it in my car.  so basically, i got rid of a dead battery for 2 batteries, one of which i returned and the one that i kept was also dead.  lucky me.  so i get to take my new, non-working battery back for one that is a bit more on the functionality and less on the dead weight.  i did get my grocery shopping done, so i wont actually need a car for another week, but it would be nice to have one on the off chance that i get a life or find plans somewhere.

on a bit of a lighter note, its sunny out and hopefully i will have a busy night at work.

drag me to hell

saw the new raimi flick today, Drag Me To Hell.  is it the best horror film to be released in the last decade or so? yes.  is it perfect?  hardly.  for everything that was done correctly, there was an equal amount of shit they did wrong.  

great spookiness and some very good general frights with some terrifying aspects and situations.  the nice haunting segments and the special effect involved in the house situations were good, believable and scary.  the story was nicely contrived and had a very distinct retro feel to it.  kind of like a homage to the great horror movies of the past.  it harkens back to old school omen and exorcist with its situation horror and general terror throughout.  it holds it own as a modern horror flick that would go over  great at a party of friends or a date flick for that couple that loves to jump.  

unfortunately this movie falls prey to the most common and lazy thing that horror movie directors allow themselves to be subjected to, CGI.  i call it lazy because its just damned sloppy and a pain in the ass as a viewer because of how out of place it looks.  the CGI in the movie is so poorly done that this movie seems more like it had the budget of a Sci-Fi original movie instead of a major motion picture.  they use it quite liberally too and it really bothered me while i was watching it, for the amount of shit, faux blood, oddly colored body fluids and bugs, it would seem the actress didnt mind getting down and dirty for the role, so why skip the computer mumbo jumbo and just keep it with the cheap and easy of reality?

all bullshit aside, it was a good movie and i liked it quite a bit.  i plan on buying it on dvd when it comes out, if only for Bojana Novakovic.  i have been trying since i got home to find a decent picture of her.  she plays the gypsy curse giver's grand daughter.  i had never seen her before today, but good goddamn, that chick is gorgeous and her sexy gypsy accent just melted me in my seat.

so i suppose that the point of this whole thing is, if you like horror movies that can look a bit schlocky at times and yet still have a solid plot with some good thrills and scares, check it out. you will not be disappointed.

tomorrow and tomorrow

rode the bike down to the power company today and paid that tiny bill.  i should have at least one more month to call it a tiny bill, that is until they start raping me for the joys of modern technology; air conditioning.  so far it has been nice and cool enough that i can leave the windows open and have a nice little series of fans kicking.  working well so far.  nice 5+ mile little bike ride today.

took a stop off at a great local book store that has been around forever, Reed's Books.   look around for a while and saw a great number of things.  picked up "Childhoods End" for 4 bucks and i cant fucking wait to read it.  there were so many books there, it would have taken me entirely too much money and time to go through them all.  so, perhaps a weekly pilgrimage would do me well.

i read a Fantastic Tales magazine from 1947 that had a short story in it from Ray Bradbury called "Tomorrow and Tomorrow".  i got through the first couple pages before i put it down and moved on, but i cant wait to go back and finish it.  the first paragraph sucked me in..

"Up to the time that he opened the door, the day hadn't been different from all other days.  Walking Los Angeles hunting for a job he couldn't find, looking in store windows at food he couldn't buy, and wondering why the habit of living got so strong that you couldn't break it even after you didn't want it any longer."

somewhat depressing and yet all true at the same time.  at least for me.  cant help the way i feel i do.  it was a great few pages that i cant wait to finish.

my head hurts now and i think i need a nap.  why is there always so much bullshit to deal with as far as life goes?  rhetorical, i know, but what other kind of question can i ask on a blog?

going pretty well i think

a long time ago i watched a random VHS copy of a great movie that i ended up falling in love with.  i was in a french movie phase that was brought about by some unknown and unrememberable source.  well, now, 10+ years later i decided to look up that old inspirational and entertaining movie, The Double Life of Veronique.   it makes me wonder if there is some sort of soul-styled duality.  some sort of gigantic connecting force in nature.

is there a dopplegänger out there for everyone?  or is it just a few people out there who happen to exist at the same time as their other?  perhaps some sort of life essence that is divided at birth or conception or whatever.  bah, who knows.

the director, Krzysztof Kieslowski (two links there), has done quite a few other things that i enjoy a lot as well. the Red, Blue, White trilogy is quite out of this world.  Where as the Dekalog is entertaining and thought provoking as well as a testament to great screen writing and directing.  soon as i find the time to sit around and watch the Double Life of Veronique, i plan to review it in depth.  plus being that its a criterion collection edition i know its going to be badass.  

upsetting news

so i read HERE that they are making another buffy movie, only without all my beloved cast members or characters OR the director/writer/creator of the franchise Josh Whedon.  why does hollywood have to ruin everything that i like?  yeah, its all about money and shit, i know, but can they expect to make money off of something when they alienate the fan base?  so much for logic eh?

my favorite episode just went off, of the dvd player that is.  Hush is quite possibly the best television episode, ever.  it was ground breaking and award winning (if i remember correctly).  if only the rest of television was this inspirational and thought provoking, i would be much more of a fan of everyday television. 

Still working on pictures

i did manage to get 2 pictures taken care of last night when i was drinking at work, but then the owner came in and stole me away from my blackbook nerdery.  i like the finished product there, but i cant help thinking that if i had a real program to manipulate images with like, photoshop.  i am still working on getting my copy of it.

been a very lazy day around here most of the day.  i rather like it most of the time and yet sometimes i just dont feel productive.  how sad is it that?  i cant relax unless i feel productive.  not to say that i am some sort of a work a holic, but i am really, who am i fooling?  

i think its about time for a change of scenery, if only for a day.  wouldnt mind hitting the lake on a boat as the boss suggested.  there used to be a time where it was all witty banter and fun times.  i seem to remember that, thought i cant recall when it was or even how long ago it was.  am i better off knowing that it was better, or not being able to remember exactly when it was better so that i dont miss it as much?  wow, was that a very convoluted sentence or was it just me?

i think that is enough for the day.  i dont want to lose myself on anymore wild tangents or ridiculous run-on sentences.

again

another day and another issue.  such is life and i feel like such a goddamn drama king.  everything happens for a reason, or so they tell you and lead you to believe.  what reason?  whose reason?  if just speaking from the obvious, then yes, everything that is happening has its own specific set of events that led it to be the way it is, ie; happening.  the obviousness of that statement is quite blatant.  i have this amazing gift of saying the obvious.  all the bullshit metaphysical dealings and veiled prophecies that everyone portends  daily about the innocuous "they" that everyone refers to when spouting old wive's tales get on my nerves.  

i think the shittiest part of it is that most of time the cliches end up being true.  all the warning signs that everyone talks about and try to warn you of, the end result ends up being just as predicted.  as heart breaking and gut wrenching as predicted.  

im not one for going into specifics, so the generalities are what you have to take and it can be with a grain of salt or whatever you want to call it.  just know, cliches and generalizations end up being true because they wouldnt be cliches or generalizations otherwise.  

i think that a lot of my over dramatizations are because i have been watching a lot of buffy the vampire slayer lately.  i think it is a seriously underrated show.  it is quite inspirational for deep thought, strange as that may be.  yeah, i know, im fucking wierd.

a new start

from yesterday...

so i have decided to do a daily blogging thing with my new blackbook.  nothing special.  im sure that sometimes i will have considerably longer blogs than others, but its not really a big thing, because it is more for me than anyone else.  i just want to provide myself with an outlet.  i have some goals set up, taking some pictures and making them look good, some movie reviews, some website and music reviews.  basically going to be a log/journal of things that i like and things that i dont like and why i dont like them.  simple, easy, cathartic.  and with that said and me not having internet right now at work (read; i cant jack into someone elses to steal bandwidth) i will be posting this after work today.