dont say you want me

Johnny Quid: You see that pack of Virginia killing sticks on the end of the piano?

All you need to know about life is retained in those four walls. You will notice that one of your personalities is seduced by the illusions of grandeur – the gold packet of king size with a regal insignia, an attractive implication towards grandeur and wealth, the subtle suggestion that cigarettes are indeed your royal and loyal friends, and that, Pete, is a lie.

Your other personality is trying to draw your attention to the flip side of the discussion, written in boring bold black and white, it’s a statement that these neat little soldiers of death and in fact trying to kill you and that, Pete, is the truth.

Oh, beauty is a beguiling call to death and i’m addicted to the sweet pitch of its siren.

That which starts sweet ends bitter, and that which starts bitter ends sweet.

That is why you and I love the drugs and that is also why I cannot give that painting back. now please, pass me a light.

“RocknRolla” (2008) by Guy Ritchie

isnt that the truth, "that which starts sweet, ends bitter"? such is the

way of life. funny how that paradigm seems to ring true more often

than i would like. life passes by uncontrolled and unobserved save

for weakening bones and wrinkled faces of ourselves and dying friends.

there is just no way around the depressing conclusion that is our lives.

and addiction, for some, its drugs, for others its material goods like

shoes or purses. for me, its love. that is my drug of choice. i

constantly have this feeling, these feelings about what i need to do

and how i need to do them. i fall hard and fast, but when i realize

how much it weakens me i shut down and turn off my emotions to those

whom i love and whom im with. it is a problem that is recurrent in

all of my relationships and choices. it is not the thrill of the

chase, it is the addiction to feeling those feelings. to tasting the

sweet beginnings of what always becomes a bitter end. so now that i

have self diagnosed, i just have to take steps to fix everything that

leads me to that outcome and perhaps i can make something that would

otherwise be bitter, sweet.