time is a tricky beast. it heals, it kills, it changes and it owns us all like we own the breath in our lungs. it is the ultimate and final judge. my heart breaks every time i think of all that could have been in another time and space. another world. another life. another time.
ah, time, again, that beautiful killer. i miss the time when youth was more than a word or a memory to me. the older i get, the more i realize that past is long gone and the future turns into yesterday too fast to comprehend. the end is ever approaching shortening the distance with every exhalation. my only hope is that i will be able to see then end and be able to end it properly.
i dont know where this notion of time burning me away came from. just started thinking about all the time i have wasted before and about how crippling it is knowing that i will never get all that time back. watching the Green Carnation dvd, Alive and Well in Krakow, i just randomly checked the back of the box and noticed that there were some audio tracks on the dvd that i had never noticed before. one of them being one of the most pure, romantic and sad songs ever written; chris isaak's Wicked Game.
i always manage to forget how much that song moves me. it grabs me
pulls me into its heart enlarged by overwhelming sadness at the
lamentations of the world in which everyones quest is to find a
perfect mate or at the very least suitable suitor to bring home to
the friends or parents. it destroys our hopes and loves, much like
time and reality distort what emotion was meant to be. it is an
effort i no longer want to expend energy on.
im sick of fighting for love. im tired of trying to fix what
will always be broken. i am not going to continue trying to force
these square pegs into round holes. love should not be work. love
is something undeniable not something that requires constant effort,
that is what a relationship is. the relationship is what ruins
love. you feel that love and want to surrender yourself too it for
as long as you are able, but then life gets in the way and you feel
yourself slipping away from that pure feeling into something that
requires a constant effort to maintain and yet still falls apart. it
is the relationship, the labels, that kill love. love is a frail
thing, its endurance unmatched but its skin easy to bruise and bones
simple to break and at the same time, its life so difficult to
steal.
the overcast sky outside is too inviting, i must go. just remember
no matter what comes your way, lead with your heart but do not
forget your brain. without the two in tandem neither can be
complete.
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