happiness is the best revenge

i remember a lot, but barely a percentage of what ive forgotten. i have lost so much to this that i feel the need to gain so much more from what i can remember. that and i must acquire new memories as rapidly as possible.

i vowed a while ago to change my life and make into something that i not only enjoyed, but something i looked forward to on a daily basis. in this endeavor i have succeeded. i have changed my outlook on life, my thoughts, my mannerisms and from that forged myself into a new person. a man unchanged by the world and instead a changer of it. no more hopes. no more fears. nothing of the man i was before save the perfect things that make me a human worth being around.

i will break everything around me, including every bone in my dying body to be free of the oppression of lifes little idiosyncrasies. the tiny dramas that infect the world of our lives. all the negativity that spills forth from our mouths and hearts to ruin a world for other while attempting to make it utopia for ourselves. the pettiness of the human spirit never amazes me. the idiocy of illogical human emotions is not just predictable but tiresome.

to be god must be horribly boring. to know all that is knowable. to see that there is nothing but forgone conclusions to events that havent happened yet. to see the end from the beginning would really make existing worthless. what is the point of the journey if the starting point and the destination are one in the same? without the experience of the journey there lies to no more purpose to living. if time became un-linear for us mere mortals and the fabric of the universe itself were to unhinge our lives would be irrevocably damaged and undone. but for god, this is everything. all possibilities, all ends and beginnings exiting in one space in time. no future, no past, no sense to living.

so many reasons to not believe. so many reasons to cherish every moment of every breath that is inhaled and absorbed by our body and used to nourish our lives. learning to revel in even the slightest sensations is something that i have come to appreciate and anticipate. this life is short and precious and i will enjoy every second of it that i have left.