Its not an easy thing to meet your maker.

my focus has been a bit diverted as of late it seems. ive been dealing with a lot in my personal life that has left me too distracted and introverted to try blogging here. now that things are calming down a bit and i have been inspired so much lately, i feel it is time to process my thoughts via this blog.

it is so strange how everything can get so fucked and so quickly. its like the more i examine my life, the deeper and deeper the psychosis goes. the farther down the rabbit hole of my brain i fall the more i see that is causing me problems. this descent into my eventual madness should scare me, though it doesnt. i am wanting, waiting and welcoming the inevitable end that awaits me. it sounds quite fun.

ive been making a lot of mistakes. ive been taking too much for granted and letting myself get too wrapped up in the mundane while not living my life. ive gone from living to existing. im not ready to lay down and die just yet. its time to get up, get moving and start making something out of all the time i have been wasting.

at this time im going to start trying to use this as a medium of inspiration to begin living again. ive started cooking again. not just my usual shit. im getting creative, branching out and making my own recipes. it is a subconscious transition from stagnation to creativity. its a good start, now i just have to stick with it and keep moving forward. ive spent far too much time sitting still and going backward.