big happenings yesterday. i said "fuck it" to a few things and did what i wanted to. back to that living life bit i was so focused on the other day. i went a saw a friend on her first day of bar tending ever and at a new job to boot! poor little critter was a bit overwhelmed but she seemed to be picking it up ok. she is young, cute and russian, so im sure she will have no issue making money there. ive often wished i was a chick bar tender. they really do make so much more money than the guys do. i suppose it evens out though for professional men make more money and get promoted more often. that is a whole line of thinking that i really dont want to go into right now.
after drinking, i went and drank some more at my work while trivia was going on. i cant guarantee that i was helpful to any teams in any way, but i had a good time chilling with my all my friends. it seems that i can make myself have a good time so long as i put forth the effort and let go of myself for a minute.
this very strict form of control that i keep on myself creates a lot of problems for me, but at the same time it makes me feel a bit more in charge of where im going. i maintain this facade of of strength and sturdiness that carries me through the days. it makes my outwardly appearance seem much more unbreakable than i actually am. i tell myself so often that i am as inflexible and steadfast as a mountain that i have come to let it take over who i am. i like it though and it has made me into a very successful person.
my strength is in my convictions. not even my convictions towards other, but my promises to myself. i live by a set of rules. not anyone elses rules. rules ive set for myself after the life i have lived. i could list some of them but some of them cannot be translated into words. the list seems incomplete with my tiny subconscious nudgings. so i leave it in my head, governing my life from the distance of brain to toes.
enough of my self sculpting and bragging. its time to go live.
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