Alright is just something that never happens.

how do you help someone who has been sick so long that the only memories they have of being healthy are nightmares that wake them up at night? its a horrible thing to watch someone waste away. it is scary and sad.

i have probably committed more of myself to this than i should have, but when you care about and love someone, there really isnt a choice is there? i give, sacrifice and compromise because i think it will make a difference. it doesnt.

i see this perfect picture. i see a beautiful girl who is smart, funny and beautiful. i see smiles that come naturally and not forced. i see bottomless potential just waiting to be realized and performed. i see happiness in blue eyes that shine even at night. i see all these things in my head. the reality is far less attractive. the reality is a veil of pleasantries over a pit of catastrophe. its harrowing and debilitating to my state of mind.

i would continue to give and to sacrifice if i was only asked. if i saw some glimmer of hope in eyes that have given up on life. but as it sits, all i have and see tells me that im struggling for something that wont come to be by my will alone and im the only one fighting.