people simply disappeared. always at night.

driving downtown today to do my monthly stops i gazed up at the horrific monoliths we commonly call skyscrapers and reveled in the thought that these are truly the tombs of the modern world. technology has its price i assume. we sacrifice the simplicity of living for the possibility of advancement of our social structure. to become united across the globe and be able to feel closer to people we do not know.

a more unified world creates competition, which is not always good and could be bad, and at the same time separates us from the connections we get when seeing each other in person. the interpersonal interactions are what enrich our lives through physical contact and simple things like the smile of a stranger. we slowly become more desensitized to the physical world and the everyday encumbrances of non-virtual struggle. the simple pleasures of life are the best things about living.

ask anyone with children and they will reflect my feelings. things so basic as paying my electric bill in person as opposed to doing it online add an air of frustration but also an endorphin high of accomplishment. waiting for 6 1/2 hours in line to renew my license plate is another of those things. it makes us slow down and think about things.

that is a lot of the reason i like to work in restaurants. it is my most preferred form of income. the people that come into where i work and get treated not just well, but like a human being instead of just some random number will know what im talking about as well. we take entirely too much for granted when we remove the physical from our lives.

for example: right now im sitting outside at a cafe and writing this. the breeze is blowing and the clouds are shading me from the hot autumn sun. there are people around me all engrossed in their own lives and conversations about whatever it is that matters to them while i click away on my keys and think about these things.

though none of this actually matters because our lives have become existences of conveniences. we are always looking for another way around that would provide us with some ideal of least resistance. i submit to you dear reader that it is these resistances that make our lives much more worth living. these head-scratcher happenings of anger and then release are the simple things in life. these nuances of the real world are what makes life what it is.

so the next time you are out at a restaurant or grocery store or some other form of customer service based medium and you have an exceptional time because the waiter/waitress or csr or whatever really enjoys their job and went out of their way to make your time enjoyable, let them know. give them a big tip or a heartfelt thank you and tell them why. let them know that you appreciate the fact that they gave a little of themselves to you for the time that you spent together and that it either made your life a little better, if just for a moment or a day. believe me, though i work a mostly thankless job, sometimes a smile from someone who seemed a bit unhappy when they came in lets me know that i have done something, not just for myself, but for someone else as well.

back to one

The Double Life of Veronique. quite possibly one of the best movies ever made. it won a great many awards including best actress at cannes film festival for Irene Jacob.

Krzysztof Kieslowski had very unique way of showing the world and its inhabitants and their little idiosyncrasies. he had such a romantic way of seeing everyday life. watching his movies make me realize that i was born about a decade too late and on the wrong continent. i doubt that france or poland or the rest of europe for that matter are still as innocent as there were depicted in his movies. granted, nothing is like it is in the movies. especially not the people. neither in appearance or attitude. irene jacob is so amazingly sexy and alluring in the double life of veronique and in Red.

kieslowski is director who put forth a romantic purity of environment, situation and character. the woman of my dreams is irene jacob circa 1991. if only i could turn back the clock from right now to then.

alas i am too old now though. i feel the weight of memories upon my heart and body. the pressure of too many failed chances at happiness and fulfillment. ive gone from casual imbiber of of temporary trysts to hardened and calloused broken hearted hater of passion. i can look at these movies, now almost 20 years old and appreciate all of the beauty and artistry involved and also know that none of it will ever exist again. i have missed my chance(s).

this is not your grave, but you are welcome in it

so many things i have been wanting to say that i have had no clear picture in my brain or how to give voice to these thoughts. nothing quite says "indecision" like not being able to organize my thoughts into cohesive words.

im quite sure that i sat down with something to write about but that has now changed. i started watching The Golden Compass and it reminded me of the Books. the book(s), just like every other movie based on a book, the written form is vastly superior.

i need not tell you anything about the books for the wikipedia link does a fine job of that. if anyone knows anything about me, you will know why i like these books. i just love the interplay between a fantasy based in a similar and yet very different world to ours.

i have to admit that a world where the Soul exists as a creature outside the body is quite romantic. it would be an amazing thing to no just have visual and definitive proof of the soul, but the ability to befriend it. it is considered an unspeakable faux pas to touch another persons Dæmon with your bare hands.

all this was a bit inspired by the scores of compliments that i got from wearing one of my more... abrasive shirts. the Place that i got the shirt from is no long in business, but it has joined with another company that has some similar items. most notably This One which i also have but is much more tame than one i wore which has pictographical representation of a cross=swastika. kind of like This but more more simple, cut and dry. it warmed my heart to have so many people tell me that they liked my shirt.

perhaps the world is finally waking up to the realization that god is a crutch and a hinderance. that belief in a power greater than the self. power of the self is the only true freedom any of us have. to be independent of a faith that demands guilt and subservience. never will i serve.