the pain, its a bitch

its so funny to me how hard we try to clean the dirt, filth and negativity from ourselves on the outside. we scrub out flesh everyday, with soaps, perfumes and exfoliating luffas to sanitize and beautiful ourselves at the same time. after the ritual cleaning we then accentuate our figures and forms with complimenting clothes, ingratiating jewelry and color matching makeups.

all the things to clean ourselves and give a better appearance to others. we try better that reflection staring back at us in the mirrors that we groom ourselves in. the more we scrape away the things that make us feel less than gorgeous the more we can lie to ourselves about how truly ugly and disgusting we are on the inside.

we want everyone to believe us as composed as we seem on the outside. whereas in reality we are horribly disfigured and broken on the inside. this is why so many people try so hard to be beautiful. this is the reason we have entire stores dedicated to the latest makeup products and the hottest styles from all over the world. this constant need for the acceptance of others rules our lives like a subconscious leash dragging us around from destination to death.

the ugliness of life is what we hide from behind our masks of faux perfection. we are so ugly on the inside. we have our vices and faults. the big problem that we face is that no matter how much we shine that turd, it is still a turd. we still see those ugly fetishes, filthy desires and socially sadistic thoughts every time we look in the mirror, regardless of what everyone sees. the best we can do is to put on that happy face we show to the world and hope that no one can see through the facade to the ugliness that is us.